1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
