you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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