this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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