I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
