You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
