I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
