god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
BRING THE BAGELS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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