So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
