On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
