I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
