i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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