I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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