I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
