Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
