Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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