There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
