Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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