I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
