I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
