I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
