Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
