if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
