watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize