i think my tv is drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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