I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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