I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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