I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
