I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
