Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
