I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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