So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
