Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Someone came in the potted fern
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
