i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
