And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
