My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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