Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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