I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
