There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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