If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
