just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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