It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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