I'm drive I can fine osifer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
