Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
