i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
