My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
