We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
