Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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