I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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