38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
