Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
