when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
