I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My dick has a subreddit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
