She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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