I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
