Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
