you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I could fuck to npr.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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