I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
