i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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