Your face is a jimmy john
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
