dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
