Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
