Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
