Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
