what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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