Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
