I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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