i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
