There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
