She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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