Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
