I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
