getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
