dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
